MARY T. WAGNER
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Mornings with Perry

12/31/2025

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     I confess to starting many things “on a lark” which eventually turn into pleasant obsessions. That would include up-selling little antiques that I find at thrift stores and garage sales, birdwatching, and whatever vintage or British TV series I watch with my morning coffee and my morning Ibuprofen.  

   And so began my fascination with the classic “Perry Mason” legal drama series, which ran for a whopping 271 episodes over nine years spanning 1957-1966. Yes, Perry Mason, a defense attorney created by Erle Stanley Gardner, who always had innocent clients, and capped every episode with a courtroom showdown with the unlucky District Attorney Hamilton Burger. Burger, played with hooded-eyed consternation by William Talman, was doomed to fail in these scenarios, as the actual criminals inevitably confessed in the witness box in the shows’ final moments, entrapped or uncovered by Perry’s skillful cross-examination. Once in a while, Perry—played to perfection by Raymond Burr with his sepulchral voice and eyes like searchlights under thunderously heavy brows—would involve Burger in the trap—but not often. Burger lived to be frustrated and humiliated.

       And so when the series turned up on one of my streaming services, I absolutely couldn’t resist. Not only was this a familiar program from my childhood—when I definitely did NOT entertain any thoughts of becoming a lawyer—but I figured I would find it both ironic and amusing to watch from my vantage point as a former prosecuting attorney. In the world of the TV series, there were no female attorneys, with the exception of screen legend Bette Davis doing a guest star turn for an episode during Season Six, when Burr was sidelined, recovering from surgery. There were certainly no female prosecutors. In 271 episodes, there was a woman on the bench only three times. Fast forward fifty years to the present day. In the courthouse milieu where I worked for 18 years, it was not unusual for every single authority figure in the courtroom--judge, bailiff, court reporter, prosecuting attorney and defense attorney--to be female. In my own imagination, if I’d been occupying the prosecution’s seat in the courtroom instead of Hamilton Burger, I’d have been kicking Perry’s can all over the place in my high heels.

      And so, coffee and breakfast and Ibuprofen at the ready, one morning I began and entered the time warp, starting with the very first episode and marching through all the way to the end. It took nearly a year to make it through.

       It was easy to chuckle at the 1950s era male/female dynamics in play at first. Starting with the ridiculous Barbie-style “mules” Perry’s faithful secretary Della Reese minced around the office in for the first couple of seasons. She eventually graduated from the equivalent of sexy bedroom slippers to actual spike heels, which looked equally ludicrous in scenes where she was perchance stepping into a row boat or walking through a construction site.

     Eventually, though, the entrenched power dynamics were disturbing when set against the modern realization that despite her competence and fidelity and unquestioned utility to Perry, good old Della would have been unable to get a credit card in her own name, much less unilaterally buy a house or a get an auto loan. Those days didn’t come about until 1974, long after the series had ended. If she wanted to get ahead, Della would have needed a man.

     And still, I kept watching, in part because I love a good mystery, and in part because William Hopper—who played private investigator Paul Drake—was indeed a tall, cool drink of water (albeit quite the well-mannered chauvinist!).

     Along the way, several rules or conventions emerged as through-lines for the writers. One appeared to be that tough divorce laws made for many a murder plot. The harder it was for a character to get a divorce from an unpleasant or inconvenient spouse, the more attractive it became to use an extra-judicial process.
 
       Another was that the entirety of the U.S. military was populated and run by white men in uniforms.

      Yet another was that business and industry were entirely run by white guys in suits. The roles of women were largely ornamental, though often colorfully villainous. Virtuous wives wore Peter Pan collars and were buttoned up to the chin, while femmes fatale really overdid it with the satin and the jewelry and the furs. Any woman over fifty was played either for laughs or for bitterness. The general contempt for women in business settings was illustrated by dialogue such as “Well, women in business…you know, I paid little attention” and “It’s a man’s world, Miss Krall, I do not take orders from lady straw bosses.”

     In general, despite the foundational melting pot nature and reality of America, virtually every single character in 271 episodes was white. There was a single African American judge on the bench in a single episode—Season 6, Episode 6, “The Case of the Skeleton’s Closet”—but the actor was not credited in the cast, and more important, he didn’t utter a single word in the episode. So the entire customary dance of objections and insults lodged between Perry and Hamilton Burger in the courtroom requiring rulings from the bench--a veritable highlight of the episodes--was 
absent because, of course, this judge who wasn’t white wasn’t given a line to speak. And even that  modest break from convention was controversial in the industry. By the way, giving credit where it’s long overdue, the person playing the part was Vincent Townsend, Jr., an actual judge in Los Angeles County and a friend of Thurgood Marshall.

     As I finally wrapped up watching the series, it was easy at the time to think “oh thank God things aren’t like that anymore!” I have credit cards. I have a car. I received a seamless no-fault divorce without having to temporarily move to Reno, Nevada. And then the politics of 2025 settled in, and there is suddenly an increasing erasure in the military, in education, in history, in daily life, of the accomplishments and rights of anyone who doesn’t look like the dominant cast of Perry Mason in the 1950s.

       Whether we are indeed hurtling toward a future that looks more and more like The Handmaid’s Tale or will be able to course-correct to what we had thought of as “normal” a year ago is an open question.

      But if you’re interested in getting a preview as to where it looks like things are headed, I suggest you pull up the original Perry Mason series, and instead of a period piece, think of it as going “Back to the Future.” 

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On Health Care...yet again

12/3/2025

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It is coming up on FIFTEEN YEARS since I first put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) with a very personal reflection on the state of health care and the precarious position of the Affordable Care Act dependent on political whims. Now, a decade and a half later, we haven't moved the needle forward, we're actually going backwards in terms of seeing more people stand to lose coverage because of affordability. And so, a look back in time. Swap out the phrase "Tea Party" for "MAGA" and you have the exact state of things today.

Health Care Manifesto
As the mother of three adult children with serious pre-existing medical conditions—one case of cancer and two of Crohn’s disease—I’d like to add my voice to the current health care debate. After years of emergency room visits, consults, surgeries and medications, all are currently doing well. But the need for continuous and decent health insurance coverage perilously hangs like the Sword of Damocles over their futures.

So while Republicans and Tea Partiers cheerfully roll up their sleeves and dig in on their campaign promises to dismantle health care reform and let free market competition dictate the best values to be had for “health care consumers,” I’d like to point out that that basic term recasts reality for ideological convenience.

In the difficult world of trying to provide our families with decent medical coverage in this dire economy and job outlook, we shouldn’t be categorized as health care “consumers.” Health care “victims” is more like it. “Hostages,” at the very least.

Calling us simply “consumers” in this minefield of co-pays and deductibles and coverage limits and employer contributions implies some sort of sharp-eyed and dispassionate retail adventure akin to buying a refrigerator. Or perhaps a recliner sofa. An exercise in comparative shopping that puts the consumer in the driver’s seat, ready to walk out the door and take his money to the next store or provider if the deal being offered isn’t sweet enough. Under those conditions, yes, you’re likely to get a better price on that refrigerator or sofa. It’s the nature of the free market.

But “comparative shopping” for health insurance coverage for your family is entirely different game, and one with deadly stakes. Not only are you betting on trying to provide good medical care and cost coverage for yourself or those you love in light of unforeseeable catastrophic events in the future, you are blindly investing in trust. Trust that valid claims and reasonable medications will not be denied or delayed beyond their usefulness; trust that your doctors will be able to give you the proper medical treatment for your problems without a bean counter looking over their shoulders and casting a chill on their decision-making; trust that you and your family will be taken care of with compassion and wisdom and won’t be forced into bankruptcy at the end of the crisis.

If you buy a refrigerator and it doesn’t work, you have the option of having the store either take it back or fix it for you while live on peanut butter sandwiches or go out to eat. If the recliner sofa you bought as cheaply as possible after visiting a half dozen furniture stores has a defective reclining mechanism, neither your health nor your home nor your family nor your life’s savings are at risk while you find a replacement or demand a refund. But if the insurance company you have thoughtfully chosen on a sunny day in the free market from several slickly-packaged options elects to deny coverage for a transplant, or a course of treatment, at exactly the moment when it is most needed, you are helpless. A life may hang in the balance, hooked up to monitors and IV bags and catheters, and yet you are virtually powerless. The idea of exercising your power and right as a consumer to take your business elsewhere right then is a grotesque joke.

Years ago, I remember talking about health insurance with a “soccer dad” whose son was on the same team as mine. As we stood on the practice sidelines, he vented about his situation. His wife was the primary breadwinner, and she was seriously ill. There was a large deductible involved, as I recall, and under whatever rules of engagement applied, he was somehow precluded from choosing a cheaper radiological test provider. He was angry, and frustrated, and railed at the unfairness of not being able to better comparison shop for a cheaper result.

I felt stunned, like I had gone through the looking glass. Why, I thought, at this time of horrible stress and family crisis, should shopping for medical tests be his concern as though he was pricing tomatos? All logic and compassion dictated that at this particular time, his primary job should have been to reassure his young children that their world wouldn't end and to take care of his wife while the medical professionals did their jobs. And yet here he was, fixating on scrambling for dollars instead.

Given the position and vulnerability of the “consumer” in the vast food chain that makes up the health care system and health insurance funding, this is an area of our lives that absolutely cries out for governmental involvement and protection to guarantee the health and safety of its citizens. I slept easier for a short time after “Obamacare” was passed, knowing that my children could not be denied insurance coverage because of their prior health problems.

Now, with a new face on Congress (and the White House) intent on repealing those improvements, the sleepless nights begin again.


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"Lens of Life" Photography Show!!

10/7/2025

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For a change of pace from news about writing, I'm absolutely thrilled (or "chuffed to mint balls" as they'd say across The Pond) to share that I have a collection of nature photographs in a shared photography exhibit now at the fabulous and beautiful Blue Harbor Resort in Sheboygan, Wisconsin! The photos have been up since last week, and the formal opening reception will be held this Friday evening.

The exhibition is called "Lens of Life," and features photos  by MOI, Pat Ryan, and Fern Lomibao. The exhibition is an extension of the fabulous new "Impressions" art gallery that resides on the third floor of Blue Harbor, and is situated just off the main lobby on the second floor. While I have a couple of photos already in the formal art gallery, this photography show is something brand new and more short-term, winding up some time in November. What a stroke of luck to be invited to participate, and what a treat to hang out in the beautiful Blue Harbor atrium, with its expansive and inspiring views of the Lake Michigan shoreline. The Impressions gallery is taking a very proactive approach to making it easy to buy our art, with QR codes assigned to every piece that's up on display. Nice to have such support for our photos! 

Here's a gallery of some of the photos I have hanging in this show. Enjoy!! 

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"Bairns..." is now in paperback!!

2/16/2025

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EXCITING NEWS!! I'm absolutely "chuffed to mint balls" to announce that "Bairns..." has won a First Place Award for Humor from the National Federation of Press Women in the organization's annual communications contest!

I'm happy to announce that my cheeky little guide to understanding British detective-speak on TV is NOW IN PAPERBACK!! Perfect for gift-giving to your favorite Britbox-addicted Anglophile friends, perfect for keeping on your bedside or living room side table for watching your favorite British detectives and quickly navigating such phrases as "sling your hook," "on the lash," and "having a barney" without having to pause the action for long! And dare I say, perfect for American fans of Shetland, Vera, Endeavor, Dalgliesh, Hinterland, and all the classics! 

It's been a journey from the first idea in my head (2022) to publishing this an an e-book (2023) and finally to getting it out there in three dimensions (2024). The BBC played a big part, although a very unexpected part. When they called out of the blue to set up a radio and TV interview last November, I was thrilled! But it wasn't until someone commented on social media that "if only this was in paperback, I'd buy it!" that the eureka moment hit and the fuse was lit. It contains 280 words and phrases that I laboriously and meticulously assembled from my recliner, watching all of my favorite series from start to finish to find and research the things I didn't understand, just so you wouldn't have to! 

The book is available on Amazon, of course, in both e-book and paperback form. But you can also ask your local bookstore to order it for you, and BUY LOCAL! Now get a wiggle on and quit faffing about, it's time to see what you've been missing! 

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From Sheboygan to Scotland!!

11/21/2024

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It is a rare Sunday morning that finds me getting good news while still in bed and in my pajamas. But that's how things played out recently when I did my usual morning run-through of checking the weather, the headlines, and email, and discovered an invitation from Huw Williams, a reporter for BBC Radio Shetland in Scotland, to do a radio interview about my little e-book, "Of Bairns and Wheelie Bins." The book, which I published last year, is a cheeky guide for Americans to help with understanding what our favorite British detectives are saying on the telly.

Serendipity is such a wonderful thing! I'd just recently posted something about the book on social media and hashtagged the British series "Shetland," which is one of my very favorites. Williams, alert that a new season of Shetland had just started to air in Great Britain, was idly trawling through Twitter (yes, I still call it that) for mentions of the series and found mine. Would I like to chat about my book and the series? He didn't have to ask twice. Shetland is indeed one of my British detective series addictions, in no small part for the magnificent setting for all the human intrigue, a vast landscape of desolate, unforgiving beauty surrounded by surging waves in a thousand shades of blue and white. 

And so I made my international media debut on Good Evening Shetland from my kitchen the next morning, a lively and humorous chat with Huw that ranged from the conundrum we Yanks have in deciphering both the British brogues and the lingo, to the fact that many female fans of the series would not kick Detective Inspector Jimmy Perez' character "out of bed for eating crackers." HERE'S A LINK TO THE RADIO INTERVIEW!! 

When the radio interview was finished, it was time to re-enter reality and resume a day of errands and art class. But the wonderment wasn't quite over! Just two days later, I was sitting in my drawing class again when the professor asked if I'd yet received an email telling me how to access the radio interview and share it with the class. Well, I hadn't as yet, and even though it was quite bad form, I checked my phone and discovered yet another invite, this time from the BBC Scotland television news show "The Nine," to do a television interview just TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER. Well, of course!! I blasted out of the classroom, tidied up the kitchen, threw on some makeup and settled expectantly into my Zoom chair. 

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I "clocked on" to the fact that this interview would be live about 30 seconds before I was on air, but that was the least of my worries! I've been through many a Zoom meeting both for business and for catching up with old friends ever since Covid changed the way we do things, and my general expectation is that I'll be able to see the person I'm talking to. That was not the case this time! For some reason, I could hear my interviewer--who I learned after the fact was the gracious and lovely journalist Laura Maciver--but all I could see for our entire conversation was a black screen containing a tiny shot of myself. However, as you can see by the screen shot above, technology worked its magic across The Pond, and we clearly ended up with a televised chat. HERE'S A LINK TO THE TELEVISION INTERVIEW!! 

What a wild and enjoyable ride that was over the course of just three days! One thing I didn't expect to come of it is that I am finally going to publish a paperback version of my "Bairns and Wheelie Bins" e-book just in time for Christmas. It will be "stocking stuffer" sized, so ... stay tuned!! 

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Tiger Beat

4/12/2024

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One from the archives... 

I’ve introduced myself—and been introduced—in many different ways. I’ve been described as “the wife,” “the mother,” “the prosecutor,” “the writer,” “the utility person,” “the girlfriend,” “the mother of the bride,” and "the Hot Dog Fairy."

But this time, I was at the bedside of one of my children at an enormous university hospital, and when the specialist walked in, trailing a pair of medical students behind, I stuck my hand out in greeting, and announced my status so there would be no mistake.

“Hi, I’m Mary. I’m the mother tiger.”

I don’t know why it took me so long. It’s not like with four kids I’ve had any shortage of opportunities. I’ve sat at bedsides waiting for test results to come back, X-rays to be analyzed, abdomens to be palpated, surgery to be finished. The title comes with the territory.  I’d just finally made it official.

There is something so primal, and visceral, and imperative about sitting guard at your child’s bedside when something has gone wrong. All the medical professionals and state-of-the-art monitors are no substitute for parking yourself next to your cub to hold off the dangers lurking beyond in the dark forest. Danger can come from the things we can see and sometimes from the things we can’t—microbes and antibodies and viruses and environmental toxins and the dealer pushing baggies of meth and crack in the shadows around the corner.

When we become parents, we are captives and keepers all in one. I remember standing beside the crib of this child as he slept, only a few days old. In the silent room, with the lights dimmed, I was hit by a tidal wave of emotion.  “I adore you,” I thought. “I worship you. I would die to protect you.” That was twenty-five years ago. He’s married now. I still feel the same way.

Years ago I read an essay by Michael Kelly, the late Washington Post columnist who was killed in Iraq in 2003, and it has always stayed with me. Long before his death, he’d written a light-hearted yet poignant piece about parenting and what he called “the look,” that silly combination of worship and rapture that we wear when we gaze at our kids when they’re not looking, regardless of their age or even their personal grooming habits.

It captured, more eloquently that I ever could, that universal surge of pride and protection and tenderness that comes with bringing the next generation into the world. The only thing he left out was that feral “mother tiger” thing. The certainty that anything that threatens your cub has to make it across a vast and vigilant expanse of claws and teeth first.

It came into play a couple of times during this hospital stretch, and turned out to be good for a laugh or two … and, I think, some actual results.

Before the specialist came in for the consult, we had been handed off to a “hospitalist” to oversee the case during the stay at the hospital. Now this doctor may have done very well in medical school … but she still came up short on people skills. She wasn’t very good with tigers either. She was brusque, unsmiling, not very familiar with our situation, and dismissive of my questions and concerns to the point of rudeness.

“Hmmm,” this doctor sneered as she shot down one point of mine after another. “And you have no medical training …” What could I say? True… and yet I was still vigorously challenging some fundamental assumptions. So sue me.

The hospitalist finally left the room, still not cracking a smile. Not only had we balked at staying in this hospital for several more days of testing, we didn’t seem to take her medical opinion at face value either. My son and collectively exhaled in relief. “Geez, what a BITCH” we both said. I explained what had just happened.

“Honey, what you just saw was “the clash of the middle-aged Alpha females.
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I’d like to report that I’d engaged in this epic test of wills while stylishly decked out in spike heels and a suit. But in fact I’d slept in my sweats on a hospital sofa the night before, and I had to beg a nurse for a spare toothbrush. I felt, and looked, like road kill.  But I still had claws.

Vindication came a couple of hours later when the specialist finally came in and sorted things out. Jovial, quick-witted, and experienced, he deftly poked and prodded, quickly figured out the medical mystery that had brought us to the emergency room in the first place, and recommended a course of treatment I’d already suggested—and had rejected—by Dr. Grumpy.
“So,” he asked brightly as he gathered his notes and medical students. “Does this make the mother tiger happy?”

“PurrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR….” I replied.

My cub eventually returned to his place in the forest, which was his college dorm. I went back to my usual routine of trying to do too many things at once. But I still smile when I think of the way things played out.

If there’s any moral at all to this story, it’s straight up and pretty simple. 

When the chips are down…put your money on the tiger.
 

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The Rescue

12/31/2023

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LOVE WINS!!! I am thrilled and honored to announce that this reflection on adopting my "shelter cat," Thomas, at the end of year full of grief, has won a FIRST PLACE AWARD in the National Federation of Press Women's annual communications contest!  

I hope that you enjoy reading this...and that it might motivate you some day to offer your home to an animal in need of rescue and shelter. Because really, so often, the "rescue" goes both ways. And to celebrate this remarkable kitty and companion, I'm going to add on a gallery of photos at the end of the essay, to share the joy! 


The road to the local animal shelter was darkly paved with trauma and grief.

It was the middle of December, just a year ago, and I was sitting in a well of depression the depth of which I had not known in decades. My werewolf-channeling dog Lucky—one in a life-long string of joyful and wonderful companions—had been felled by cancer earlier in the year, a three-month journey of shock, surgery, recovery, hope, and then the crushing finality of when “borrowed time” finally expired. My mother—ninety-nine and bedridden in a nursing home and the essence of “difficult” on her best days—had come through bouts of Covid and pneumonia with diminishing returns, and was at last in her death spiral. And my younger daughter and I had just put her elderly cat to sleep after discovering that her kidneys, long failing, had finally quit. Mookah, a dainty tabby with green eyes, had lived with me for the past several years, and given the terrible realities of the previous year, had been a constant and a comfort in uncertain times.

I spent the next couple of days in a zombie-like haze as I visited the nursing home and wept and waited for yet another loss to arrive. And then I realized that I was alone in my home literally for the first time in 47 years, and a tsunami of darkness suddenly hit me broadside and left me physically nauseous and weak in the knees. Did the time of year have something to do with it? Of course. The days leading up to the winter solstice and the holidays are always the shortest and most fraught with expectations and, sometimes, disappointments. Did all of the wrenching traumas in the preceding months weigh in? Of course they did. It had been an exhausting, depleting  year of watching and waiting and dreading and bracing.

But until that dark moment of realization, I had experienced everything good and bad and even truly awful without being utterly alone. Over the years, there had been a husband, children, boyfriend, dogs, cats, horses, a rabbit, mice, tadpoles, even a chameleon for a brief spell. Whether two-legged or four-legged, with feet, paws, or hooves, there had always been others within reach for sharing. Sharing a laugh, sharing a touch, sharing a glance, sharing the warmth of a cozy fire or the radiance of a big open sky above.
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And so the sudden emptiness and stillness echoing around me felt like a bottomless chasm. I asked my older daughter to spend the night to keep me company after a splendid outing to see "The Nutcracker" ballet. And when I woke the next morning, I canceled my plan to meet my younger son at the nursing home to visit my mother as she continued her journey into the next life, and instead started scrolling through the cat pages on the website of the local Humane Society.

Common sense would dictate more of a waiting period between losing a pet and gaining another one, just as the newly divorced are advised to not jump headlong into another relationship as soon as the ink is dry on the paperwork.

But I needed rescuing, that much I was sure of, and I knew that surely there was a cat nearby who needed rescuing as well.

A black and white “tuxedo” cat named Bootsie caught my eye, and seemed perfect. She was a little overweight (like me), and a bit older (like me), and Bootsie was the name of the dog my mother brought home with her from Germany after her stint working in the State Department in the aftermath of World War II. That Bootsie, gentle and soft to the touch, was the first dog I had known in my young life. It seemed fated.

So my daughter (who, unlike her younger sister, is not a cat person but also loves her mother dearly) and I made our way to the local shelter, introduced ourselves, and got ready to meet Bootsie in a visiting room. My daughter took the chair, while I sat on the floor to make the introduction less stressful.

As advertised, Bootsie was just lovely. Friendly, eager for affection, a little portly, and quite cuddly. For all of the earlier reasons, she would have been a perfect fit. But as the aide entered the room to retrieve her, I said, “you know, as long as I’m here I feel like I should at least meet another cat or two, just to say that I did.” I knew I wouldn’t be emotionally equipped to walk into two rooms full of cats in cages and pick one or two from that mass of sad and eager faces, so I asked her to pick for me and to bring back someone who would be mellow and a lap-sitter.

She took her time figuring out who to introduce next, but eventually, she came in with a another tuxedo cat, a large grey and white fellow the staff had named Turkey. He was a muscular chap, with a swagger to his walk and a quirky, tiny moustache that looked as though a tiny white butterfly had landed upside down under his nose. Turkey came without a back story, having been dropped off at the shelter as a stray around Thanksgiving (good name, hey?). He seemed young and strong, with a marvelously healthy coat as dense as penguin feathers, but with a respiratory infection that had him leaking green gunk from his eyes and his nose. He walked over to make my acquaintance, explored the contours of my ample lap, and then busied himself sniffing around the edges of the room. Shortly before the aide returned, though, he gravitated back to my lap, laid his head on my chest, looked up at me, and reached both paws toward my shoulders.

My daughter (the not-a-cat-person, remember?) grasped the significance of the moment. “Mom,” she said, “that cat just hugged you. I’m impressed!” And so was I. Suddenly Bootsie’s future with me did not seem quite as secure.

A third cat was proffered, a tiny coal black beauty that seemed as if she’d be right at home in a Fifth Avenue penthouse, dining on caviar and sporting a Tiffany diamond collar while looking over Central Park from her rarified aerie. She found me uninteresting in the extreme. I pushed all earlier thoughts of "fate" aside and decided to go with my heart rather than my head. I put in an application for Turkey, being utterly unable to resist that endearing hug.

It would be another week and a half before I could pick up my new companion, since he first needed to finish a course of antibiotics for the respiratory infection, and then get neutered. In the meantime, I continued with the seasonal Christmas duties that come with having children, grandchildren and good friends; visited my dying mother as she continued her downward slide; and made ready for a new arrival. With a plan in place and hope on the horizon, I regained my former equilibrium…or as much of it as could be reasonably expected with a parent dying in the wings during the darkest days of winter.

Thomas (I renamed him the moment I brought him home) finally moved in on December 28 and found my lap a safe resting place almost instantly. My old recliner became a comfortable refuge for us both. My mother passed just two days later. Two weeks of frenzied funeral preparation and family visits followed, after which I could finally turn to my new pet and properly start our new chapter of companionship.

The transition has not always been easy over the past year, and it certainly hasn’t been bloodless! Without a proper history from an earlier owner, no one knows how much time Thomas spent fending for himself on the street before he was brought to the shelter or what experiences and frights he might have endured. For months, his reflexes led to his immediate jump from sound sleep to “I must kill something” mode, with all claws and teeth instantly engaged, regardless of whether he had been smooshed face-first into the crook of my arm like it was a hiding place. If that sleep happened to be taking place in my lap, well… I went through a lot of bandages and first aid cream before I started to pick up on the warning signs of a twitching tail or the subtle flick of an ear. I swear, there are literal Panthers and Tigers and other wildcats out there with Instagram and TikTok accounts that I would feel safer casually approaching with less trepidation than Thomas on occasion.

And yet… with the passage of a year, there are signs of progress and relaxation for us both. Often, now, after being deep in slumber, stretched comfortably across my lap, Thomas will awaken and simply open his eyes without the immediate need to attack something. There are times he will even shut his eyes again and go back to sleep, trustingly proffering his soft, furry belly for some scritching. He decided early on that if I’m going to be in my bed, he’ll be there as well, sometimes curled up at the foot, at other times nestled snugly into the small of my back or behind my knees. If I leave the main part of the house to retreat to my little office space, he will follow to keep an eye on me like a dog guarding his flock.

Just who is more the “rescuer” here in our little family equation is open to interpretation. I’m pretty sure that anyone who has ever “rescued” an animal from a shelter or from the street knows that love and trust and reassurance flow both ways, and you can’t possibly put a price tag or a measurement on that. There are reasons going back to the dawn of time that we have seen and valued animals as our companions and protectors on a spiritual plane.

As for me, I don’t parse things much further than to simply feel a boundless gratitude that a stray kitty seized his moment to reach out with a hug, and I was open to taking the bait. Because from where I sit—in a well-worn recliner with Thomas spilling over the sides, whimpering softly as he sleeps—I’d say we’ve both been rescued, and that’s as marvelous as it gets.

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Test your British to American detective skills!

3/31/2023

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​Now that I've written "Of Bairns and Wheelie Bins: An American guide to what those British detectives are saying on the telly," I find myself watching episodes of some British mystery that I've newly discovered with occasional bursts of joy, thinking "I know what that means!!" It definitely helps to move the plot along when I don't have to scratch my head and wonder what just went on because I didn't know some of the lingo. 

So play along with me, and test your "British to American" interpretive skills! Answers at the bottom, in tiny type...

1.  Barney  a) a big and annoying purple dinosaur  b) a now defunct New York City luxury department store  c) a heated argument  d) Andy Griffith's sidekick in Mayberry

2.  Chivvy   a) a salad green  b) a street game of cards  c) a scrum of rugby players  d) to prod someone to do something they don't want to

3.  Grass   a) marijuana  b) the green stuff in a lawn  c) a picnic  d) to snitch

4.  Kip   a) a pickled herring  b) the stuff you bring to the gym  c) a children's game  d) sleep

5.  Shopped   a) went bargain hunting  b) sold at a rummage sale  c) discarded  d)  informed on to the police

6.  Clobber   a) something Moe, Larry and Curly did a lot of in the Three Stooges  b) a clotted cream that goes well with strawberry tarts  c) an internet dating profile  d) a collection of personal stuff

​7.  Twigged   a) went bird watching  b) a muscle cramp  c) had a flash of understanding  d) stood up a date

8.  Skinful   a) a leather bota bag b) a wine bottle  c) a blistering argument  d) enough alcohol to get you drunk

9.  Caravan   a) a truck convoy  b) to travel together while hiking  c) a gypsy wagon  d) an RV

10.  Grafter   a) a grifter  b) someone who works very hard  c) a tree surgeon  d) a surgeon that does heart transplants

11.  Bespoke   a) engaged to be married  b) the last round in a debate  c) custom tailored  d) offer accepted on a house

Answers:  1.C; 2.D; 3.D; 4.D; 5.D; 6.D; 7.C; 8.D; 9.D; 10.B, 11.C

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Of Bairns and Wheelie Bins and unlikely inspiration

3/24/2023

1 Comment

 
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Somehow, the thought of publishing a "British-to-American" guide to understanding the lingo of my favorite British detective shows was not even the last thing on my mind over the past several years. It simply wasn't there at all!

As many writers know, trauma and stress and anxiety can get in the way of the creative spirit, and since early 2018, I'd had a universe full of it. That's when my elderly mother--who had not only been wheelchair bound for years but also never met a fact she couldn't ignore or a situation she couldn't instinctively make more difficult--broke her hip, triggering several years of caretaking, emergency response, crisis management, moving households, hospital visits, bizarre doctor consultations, and, to be quite frank, some periods of deep depression.

There were literally times in the past couple of years, before my mother finally passed at the end of 2022 at the age of 99, where I despaired of ever being able to write again, to put words together in joyous fashion, to feel the playfulness inherent in setting up phrases and sentences to build scenes and characters.

Of course, if I HAD been able to crawl out of my defensive funk, there was quite a list of projects to get back to: a fourth Finnigan the Circus Cat chapter book; two YA novels (one half-finished, the other still just an idea waiting for a starting sentence); a detective novel I'd started years ago and then been interrupted by the Finnigan series.

But while raking leaves last fall, this particular idea sprang to life. In the fading light of a chilly October afternoon, as I raked and gathered and grimly pondered the likelihood that I would never be able to generate words again, my mind kept returning to an episode of "Vera," that marvelously cantankerous and middle-aged and utterly brilliant fictional detective created by Ann Cleeves. Another character had described finding some evidence in a "wheelie bin," and the phrase had kept me laughing for days. The words, which referred to what I'd call a "garbage can" or "recycle bin" was so utterly CHARMING, as though winged fairies would escort me to the curb as I took out the trash.

And so as I raked, I started to laugh. And that spurt of laughter, combined with the fact I'd already been assembling a list of like phrases to share with friends and family who were similarly devoted to British mysteries, gave birth to this quirky project, Who was I to say "no" to an unexpected spark of inspiration? And the fact that I could channel my "Vera" Halloween costume--replete with my own bucket hat and a 30-year-old canvas barn jacket and a dreadfully mismatched thrift store scarf--for a cover photo was simply icing on the cake.

With this project now pushed out of the birth canal and "live" on Amazon as an e-book (a "short," really), I suppose I should start looking over that list of older, unfinished writing projects and pick one up where I'd left off.

But first a grateful toast to the universe, and to the random nature of inspiration, for throwing me a lifeline and putting me back in the saddle!

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Hunter's Moon

12/31/2021

7 Comments

 
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This essay won FIRST PLACE for Creative Non-Fiction in the 2022 Royal Palm Literary Awards (Florida Writers Association)!!

It was the night of the Hunter’s Moon, and the moon didn’t show up. For that matter, I nearly didn’t show up either, although the tide that eventually pulled me to the shore was emotional, rather than gravitational. More variable, though no less powerful, I think. In the end, hope won out.

Watching the full moon rise on the western shore of Lake Michigan had been a ritual, a touchstone, for my younger daughter and I during the first year and a half of the pandemic. She had moved in with me shortly after the world started shutting down in a panic of uncertainty in early 2020, bringing her job and a knowledge of how to use Zoom with her to navigate the demands of the new digital workplace from a bedroom closet.

My house—a small duplex, really—proved a tight squeeze for the two of us and my large dog, but the nearby lakeshore and some splendid hiking trails vastly expanded our living space during these stressful and anxious times. Both of us took nature breaks at least twice a day, weather permitting, finding peace and refuge amidst towering firs and birches, crashing waves, and meandering forest walks. She got fully into the water nearly every day, whereas I considered myself daring for getting my toes wet at the shoreline.

“Hey, it’s going to be a full moon tonight!” one of us would invariably say. “Shall we?”

And then the countdown would begin, as we kept an eye on the clock to give ourselves the requisite lead time of fifteen minutes to drive to the shore. In heat and cold, snow and ice and shifting sand, we found ourselves standing at the water line, or sitting on a favorite bench, trying to guess exactly where on the horizon the moon would begin to cast its golden glow. As the setting sun turned the skies pink and red behind us, we would sit and talk about nothing, or everything, or just how cosmically lucky we were to be able to be drenched in such awe-inspiring beauty that surrounded us and was within such easy reach.

And then, finally, there it was, a textured golden orb rising from the waves as night fell deeper, casting a path of silver on the darkening waves as it rose higher and higher into the night. They were magical moments to share with a daughter, moments of shared awe, and appreciation, and renewal, and magic of sorts.

But all good things must come to an end so that other good things may happen, and eventually my daughter found a living space much closer to some of her essentials, and moved out. I was happy for her, of course, even as I shed occasional tears as I helped her load up her car before leaving. But the approach of that first full moon after she left was packing a heck of an emotional wallop.

The day arrived, and I spent it in a funk, both because I had lost my moonrise-watching companion, and because the weather forecast had clouds and rain predicted throughout the afternoon and evening. I pouted, and dithered, and hesitated, and stalled. And then, closing in on that fifteen minute window, I caught a glimpse of a little blue sky above among the rain clouds, and grabbed the car keys, grudgingly muttering “why the hell not?” It is a mantra which has served me well over the years even though it lacked its usual devil may care cachet this time.

I parked the car and made my way down the cordwalk from the lot to the beach. The rain had literally stopped just a few minutes before, with the result that both the parking lot and the entire shoreline as far as I could see were entirely empty. The sand, damp and pocked with raindrops, showed no footsteps other than mine.

At first I simply sat on the usual bench in the sand, reflecting on the fact that I was here alone…not just on the beach at this moment but embarking on this next phase of my life as well. It was unsettling, as most new things are, and I took in the expanses around me, somberly, quietly. But sitting still is not my favorite thing to do, and eventually I pushed off from the bench, leaving my shoes and blanket behind.

The lake level had been dropping in recent months, and there were marvelous expanses of flat, wet sand and pools close to the water line as the shallow waves pushed across them and retreated. I rolled up my pants legs and walked in up to my knees, marveling at how warm both the water and the wind felt in mid-October.

On the flats, the surging sheets of water made mirrors that reflected the evening clouds. Channels cut crosswise by tiny streams of water flowing downstream resembled the cross cuts of Irish crystal in the fading light. I was enveloped by the sounds of water and wind and felt part of a much larger, seamless fabric whose patterns kept changing.

The time for the Hunter’s Moon to rise came and went as the earlier rain clouds marched eastward and covered the horizon, while swaths of cloudy skies converged on both ends of the shore. There would be no moonrise for me to celebrate…or to mourn…this time around.

But as I picked my way back across the sand in the fading light and gathered up my things, I was happy that I had gone out looking for the moon by myself. The astonishing beauty that I had found there in its absence was still somehow reassuring to me that this new chapter I was beginning to navigate would still have beauty, and surprises, and renewal, and grace. And as long as the world keeps turning, I know that there will be more full moons to remind me of my blessings. 

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